I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
