I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
