If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Still dying that you shit outside
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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