I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
