Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize