True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I believe in your delicious
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
