wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
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