dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize