i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
