I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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