you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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