If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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