marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize