I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
