I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
