No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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