Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize