Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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