If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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