He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize