and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
