I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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