she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
