"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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