my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
