when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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