i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
you never un-have a 4some
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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