If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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