S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did I show you my penis last night?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize