paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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