Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
