I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
