Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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