Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
