**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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