if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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