it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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