she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
even my farts smell like vagina
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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