As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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