She announced her abortion via fbk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
