Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
