my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize