home. puking in laundry basket.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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