Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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