I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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