Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize