I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
