Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
