Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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