What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
