If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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