I feel great
I just peed on a car
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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