i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize