Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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