Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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