If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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