her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
