i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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