I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
