That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
