Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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