How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
