I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
