i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
