the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
