There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
