Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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