i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
