My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
