I wannas sexs uuuuu
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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