if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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