I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize