You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize