I love black thongs
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
