Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
