Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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