I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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