she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
