she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize