My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
