You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
