I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
