The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
