You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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