I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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