don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize