no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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