Christians are straight up FREAKS
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
