Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
