Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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