very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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