Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
