It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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