I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
