I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
