From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
