Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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