Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize