he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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