the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
