girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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