A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
