My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
