i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
