If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
