You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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